I’ve signed up for too much for too long.
When I say yes to something I don’t truly have the capacity to do, other people assume I can carry my part. When I can’t, the work falls through. Then other people have to regroup and react to my shortfall.
That is not “a personality quirk.” It’s a real harm pattern.
I’m writing this for two audiences:
- People who have been impacted by this pattern in the past.
- People considering working with me now who want to know what will be different.
The issue (in operating language)
Overcommitment has compounded for me over ~20 years.
It shows up as a specific failure mode:
- I make too many commitments that require my input, approval, touch, voice, or presence.
- those commitments are not delegatable.
- the commitments stack until “simple things” become impossible.
- I become a bottleneck, then I go quiet to survive, which creates even more uncertainty for other people.
This is why I care so much about estimation accuracy and clear commitments. If my dates are wrong, I’m not only wrong — I’m causing collateral damage in other people’s plans.
What I’m changing
I’m becoming the kind of person who:
- does exactly what I say I will do
- says exactly what I will do
- and is honest about what I cannot take on without putting other commitments at risk
Saying “no” is part of that. “No” does not mean the problem is unimportant. It usually means I’m not the right person to apply right now.
The system I use (why I’m not relying on willpower)
I don’t trust myself to fix this with intention alone. I use a system to:
- improve estimation accuracy
- record commitments and track follow‑through
- allocate and budget my presence, effort, and brainpower across the ventures and projects I contribute to
- avoid new overcommitments
- resolve previously entered overcommitments
The point is not the specific tools. The point is that the commitments become visible, owned, and budgeted — so reality can win early instead of later.
How to work with me (so you get accuracy instead of enthusiasm)
If you want a working relationship with me where this pattern doesn’t repeat, these rules matter more than motivation.
1) If it matters, write it down
For anything non-trivial, I want:
- the objective
- the owner
- the definition of done
- the decision path
- the update cadence
This reduces the number of “implicit promises” I accidentally make in conversation.
2) Don’t ask me for dates until we’ve named the constraints
If you need an estimate, help me estimate by sending:
- what already exists
- what’s in scope / out of scope
- dependencies (people, approvals, systems)
- what you will accept as “done”
Otherwise you’ll get a number that feels helpful but isn’t real.
3) Give me a way to say yes in a smaller unit
If a request is big, the best path is usually:
- a smaller commit (one output, one decision, one review)
- a clear “done” condition
- a timestamped checkpoint (not a vague “soon”)
This is how we get momentum without trapping me in an unfinishable promise.
4) Use one thread, one channel
If a thread fragments across text + email + DMs + calls, I become the router and historian.
Pick one system of record per thread and keep it there.
5) Treat my “no” as a routing decision, not a rejection
I’m actively building better language for:
“No, not this time. Please keep asking. Here’s what I can say yes to.”
If I say no, the most useful follow-up is:
- “What’s the smaller yes?”
- “Who else should I talk to?”
- “When should I ask again?”
How this connects to the larger arc
Systemic overcommitment is one of the core mechanisms underneath:
- The Predicament — the long-running tangle I’m resolving.
- The Reboot — the sequential plan I’m using to rebuild steerability.
The work is the same at two levels:
- restore accuracy and trust at the relationship level
- build systems so execution no longer depends on my individual stress tolerance
The invitation
If you’ve been impacted by this pattern, I’m not asking you to pretend it didn’t happen. I’m asking you to let me name it clearly so we can work with reality.
If you’re considering working with me now: I still want to help and make a positive impact. But I’m optimizing for accuracy and greatest-fit impact, not for saying yes in the moment.
If you want to start a conversation, the best place to start is my Contact page.